Does Pleasure Need a Finish Line?

Lessons from sexology for intimacy, life and business

Without specific goals, a sense of self to validate, or tasks to finish—allow pleasure to be the guiding force of your 'success'.

Don't forget to pause and enjoy the flowers

Sex Therapy Insights: Does pleasure need a finish line?

I recently had a wonderful time delivering the Beyond the Hustle Script to my business community, Launchpad. I shared lessons from sexology on pleasure, joy and how we work. The conversation began with a question: what happens when pleasure becomes another outcome to pursue?

In my work as a sexologist, I observe how the pressure to achieve, complete tasks, and pursue goals manifests both inside and outside the bedroom. During intimacy, touch can become simply a step toward sex, and reaching orgasm may be seen as proof of a ‘’successful sexual experience’’. Similarly, in business, we often finish a project, hit a target, and immediately focus on the next milestone without taking time to enjoy the accomplishment.

The finish line keeps shifting, always moving ahead.

Pleasure is part of being alive

I see daily pleasure as experiences that bring enjoyment, satisfaction, or a feeling of being truly alive. These can stem from touch, movement, humor, creativity, or companionship. Joy might include delight, a sense of belonging, connection, or the feeling that something matters. Even a shared smile, a lively debate about a captivating idea (such as the best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich), or a peaceful moment with someone you love can hold inherent significance.

In the realm of business, pleasure can be found in valued relationships, engaging ideas, and meaningful activities like building community, creating, or helping others. Its value isn't necessarily linked to improved performance, though it can influence your business outcomes—either directly or indirectly. Curious what it might feel like to explore this in your own life? Book a session with Nambani and start the conversation.

What gets in the way?

There is no single factor that blocks us from experiencing pleasure, but I can share a few ideas for you to consider.

Hustle scripts are often regarded as a badge of honour and central to a business mindset. However, they can transform rest into mere recovery time for more work (play hard, work hard), playfulness into another opportunity for idea generation, and genuine social connection with colleagues into yet another networking and business opportunity.

These ingrained scripts—perhaps rooted in family, migration, survival experiences, gender and class expectations, economic pressures, workplace culture, or colonial notions of ‘proper' work—may have historically helped us survive.

Beyond hustle scripts, stress, grief, caregiving, and exhaustion also block access to pleasure. Emily Nagoski’s Emotional Floorplan uses a metaphor for sexual connection—viewing emotional states as rooms connected by doorways. I suggest applying this concept to the life of a business founder to help them reconnect with pleasure.

Nagoski reminds us that moving directly from emotional states of panic, grief, or rage into states of play, care, seeking, or lust to access pleasure may not be possible. Instead, we need transition or 'figuring-out' doorways, such as food, rest, good companionship, movement, or curiosity, that offer accessible paths to these positive states.

Three practices to try

So how do we do it? Here are some suggestions that might be helpful for you to try:

1. Be present with where you are right now

   Are you solely focused on reaching the finish line or end goal, rushing to what you believe should happen next, or can you pause momentarily to enjoy the pleasures around you despite your busy schedule?

   
   

2. Noticing the ‘’emotional room’’ you are in right now and name it.

   Work on noticing the state of your emotional room by tuning in to your bodily sensations, thoughts, and emotions. After a hard day of meetings – perhaps you are in an emotional room of anxiety (panic) and notice tightness in your shoulders and tiredness. To access pleasure, you may need to find a different emotional room nearby – perhaps by seeking (e.g., going to a museum en route home) or by booking a massage (accessing care).
   

3. Question the permission rule.

   Reflect on your hustle scripts: Where did they originate, and do they nourish or exhaust you? Use prompts like ‘I am allowed to rest, play, or enjoy myself when…’ to explore their impact. Consider where you learned these messages and how they influence your current behavior.

A small doorway back

In closing, pleasure isn't solely a reward for hard work, nor do you need to wait until the finish line to enjoy it. If you're reading this, consider it an invitation to pause and notice the pleasurable moments around you. These might already be present in warmth, care, play, curiosity, connection, or the lively parts of your work. So, what's one small experience you'd like to notice more deeply this week?

Reference and notes:

Nagoski, E. (2024). Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. Ballantine Books.

This article offers general education and reflection. It is not a substitute for personalised medical, mental health, pelvic health, business or relationship advice.

Ready to find your own doorway back to pleasure? If this resonates, sex therapy can offer a guided space to explore these patterns more deeply — book a session with Nambani to start. So, what's one small experience you'd like to notice more deeply this week?".